NO POKING

[kukla_tko]

Ok, kids. EDIT: THESIGOTHER DOES NOT HAVE SKID MARKS

I'm a cranky girl. I have several reasons for it, most of which are being dealt with a little at a time.

How am I a crankmonster? LEt me count the ways:

1. I went to jail on Friday. First time for everything.
2. Went to jail because my plates were expired, and I had an outstanding ticket. The plates are not renewed yet.
3. Plates are not renewed because my vehicle failed both inspections.
4. I need a new tire. Well. Not anymore. Tag this one for later.
5. I need to do some convoluted jumping through hoops to make the emissions pass.
6. I get to go to the DMV on my only day off and try to make all this crap happen.
7. I'll be paying for these plates with my rent money, and they're only good until 06, despite the fact that I will be paying for two year plates + penalties.
8. I am having scheduling issues; large, hairy, pointy ones, to be exact.
9. My back hurts. Much. A lot. Some more. Has been since about when minidoc got married. And don't ask me why that's the tag I remember for my back hurting.
10. I'm in the air about several things over which I have zero control. They all affect my life directly.
11. Yes. I started my period today.

And now, for the ranting.
Having a menstrual period does not, in fact, make me crazy in and of itself.

But I have disgusting crap coming out of me in my favorite place. It manages to ruin all my favorite underclothes. Nobody wants to have sex with me when this is going on, so I get to run around feeling like a leper with a bell screaming "Unclean! UNCLEAN!"

Instead of cavorting like a nymph with a nightie saying, "Chase me, Chase ME!"

It's inconvenient, messy, smelly, and gross. I read enough science fiction: When do we get to turn this crap off?

I do have one thing to say to the men of this planet:EDIT: THESIGOTHER DOES NOT HAVE SKID MARKS

Look, buddies. We as heterosexual females put up with a lot of crap from you. Smelly crap, some of it. (I never understood the skidmark thing. Use the toilet paper, Luke!) Most of the time, your balls smell like your ass, and I refer you to the skid mark remark.
Let's face it, semen is pretty gross. It's milky white, has a distinctive odor, gets everywhere and is sticky, and HAS TINY CREATURES SWIMMING AROUND IN IT.
EDIT: THESIGOTHER DOES NOT HAVE SKID MARKS
But we persevere. We move on. We fuck you anyway. We swallow. We smile.
Sometimes, we (by we I mean, "THEY") let you fuck "us" in the ass.
EDIT: THESIGOTHER DOES NOT HAVE SKID MARKS
So, explain to me why shoving your pee-pee into a poo hole is sexy and like Teh Ultimate Thing To Get From A Girl,


BUT

Having sex with a woman who is menstruating is horrifying and freaky?

We bleed once a month. We're not injured, we're not sick or dying. It is a little bit of very natural blood that assures you that your bitch isn't pregnant. Rejoice! You are not about to be a father!

As opposed to the santorum that comes from puting something *in* the *out* hole.

I'm just saying.


Rant.

Gee, this was going to be the story of The Big Ol' Dork Show, Live from JAIL!
EDIT: THESIGOTHER DOES NOT HAVE SKID MARKS
But no. Period ranting. Growl. Don't poke me. Or I shall demand macaroni pictures, and foods of delicious decadence. Paid for with your blood.


Oh, and one other thing, just in case anyone's watching:
EDIT: THESIGOTHER DOES NOT HAVE SKID MARKS

Comments

[baudot.livejournal.com]

Whassname - the shot that's birth control for 3 months - that stops your menustral cycles, if you're so inclined.

Personally, I never understood the aversion to sex during menustration. It feels different, the swelling makes different positions rewarding, and it helps relieve her cramps. All wins in my book. Oral sex during menustration, though? No thanks.. can we wait a few days for that to pass?

Likewise, I don't get anal sex, but to each their own.

We're RREEEALLLY into oversharing, now..

[kukla-tko42.livejournal.com]

That would be Depo (Depo provara).

Yeah. Cancels the cycle, unless it doesn't. If it doesn't cancel the cycle, it causes a six-month period.

Yeah... no. I discussed it with my doctor, she let me know about the other side effects (Like the fact that the "no period" side effect isn't always a guarantee) and pointed out that I can just take my pills straight through with no "Green" reminder pills to get the same effect. Since my adorable doctor gives me free pills and the shot is prohibitively expensive, I take free pills instead.

From time to time I let my body do its thing. This is one of those times. Bleah.

Re: We're RREEEALLLY into oversharing, now..

[minidoc.livejournal.com]

You're better off doing what you're doing. The "Shot" has caused some people to have some serious issues, weight gain, messed up periods among others. If you can remember a pill and take them straight through, the effect is similar and more easily controlled.

Re: We're RREEEALLLY into oversharing, now..

[allura629.livejournal.com]

yeah. Did that shot thing for a while. Went 3-4 months without a period, but when it came, Moses was there with his mighty staff, and it lasted for 3-4 WEEKS. I'd also like to point out that it was after the shot that I developed PCOS - Poly-Cystic Ovary Syndrome. I know that is mostly consistent with bad eating habits, but I have to think that jacking with my hormones a la the shot might have something to do with the weakening of those systems to the PCOS. Of course, you could just get PCOS< and then you don't have a period, anyway. The additional facial hair might be distracting, though, since you don't have the Luv of the Tweezers quite as I do, ;-)

Re: We're RREEEALLLY into oversharing, now..

[baudot.livejournal.com]

I had another friend who tried the pills straight through thing, looking for the same effect. She said that it had that effect, but after a couple cycles that way, she was feeling remarkably psychotic. SHe advised no one do that, ever.

Re: We're RREEEALLLY into oversharing, now..

[piratebob.livejournal.com]

I do that too, with heavy duty birthcontrol pills. I like it, and don't really feel psychotic that much (or more than before, anyway). AND it is for my possible endometriosis. I'll take no period over massiveohmygawdgonnadieorshootmyself periods anyday...healthy or not. Yarg.

Re: We're RREEEALLLY into oversharing, now..

[kukla-tko42.livejournal.com]

Fortunately for me, even when I let it go several months and then have a period... it's not that bad.

Really.

I get a maximum of four days worth, and overall not that much stuff comes out of me.

It's still annoying, though. And I was feeling ranty, so...

Re: We're RREEEALLLY into oversharing, now..

[minidoc.livejournal.com]

I've actually gone for extremely long amounts of time, years even, without a period and it's damn cool. As far as my ob-gyn was concerned, he stated there's not real reason you needed to have a period unless you wanted to. As far as the psychotic reactions, yeah that's possible, remember folks you're messing with your hormones so it's not surprising that if the mix isn't right you could have some psychiatric issues. Please, no comments about excess progesterone or estrogen. Even prednisone has been known to induce psychosis.

Re: We're RREEEALLLY into oversharing, now..

[kukla-tko42.livejournal.com]

Hmm. I suppose that I can take that as a professional opinion, eh?

So... No more menstruation for ME!

Hmm.

[kukla-tko42.livejournal.com]

And yet, not so much. Intriguing, but not what I'm after.

Savory speaks to me right now. Sushi would be a good decadent food to tempt me with...
Indian Food did the trick earlier.

And water. Lots of water.

Re: Hmm.

[kukla-tko42.livejournal.com]

Water itself is not decadent.

I'm just very thirsty.

How about Sekonjabin instead?
:)

[ohari.livejournal.com]

Ummmmmm, I will have sex with you during your period. No Problem, call me anytime. Not so into the Sushi, but Indian food is my favorite.....

[yume-no-tenshi.livejournal.com]

I, myself, have an aversion to sex-while-I-am-on-my-period. I'll do it, but it's not as pleasurable for me, I don't think I've ever had the BIG-O while on my period, and usually I end up bleeding more.

Of course, nowadays I don't get any anyway (last time was May 16). /cry

[kukla-tko42.livejournal.com]

Yeah, nothing builds your sense self-esteem like a partner who WON'T FUCK YOU.

(Sigh.) Am I the only one who wants to gather all the people together, sort them into groups according to how much sex they want, and *then* have us all pick our mates?

You know, have all the people who aren't really into sex dating EACH OTHER, and the horny folk fucking each other blind?

Heh. Of course, if we did that... we'd inadvertently wind up breeding for the horny trait...

[professor_mirror]

(Sigh.) Am I the only one who wants to gather all the people together, sort them into groups according to how much sex they want, and *then* have us all pick our mates?

You know, have all the people who aren't really into sex dating EACH OTHER, and the horny folk fucking each other blind?

HELL. YES.

Sign me up.

*snicker*

[kukla-tko42.livejournal.com]

Obviously we need to have a party, with special party games...

Re: *snicker*

[professor_mirror]

I realize it's the biggest cliche ever, but I'm always fond of Spin the Bottle.

Re: *snicker*

[kukla-tko42.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I like that one.

I was thinking more along the lines of a sorting game. We could call it the sorting hat, and everyone breaks into groups based upon how much sex they want.

*THEN* we play spin the bottle.

Re: *snicker*

[professor_mirror]

Don't tease me like that, woman!

[bethy-woo-woo.livejournal.com]

MUAHAHAHAHAHA yeah I hear ya on the period thing. As my classy SO said, "like a vagina before your period, we don't need no more Bush!" And yes, this was at election time. I considered making a big sign to hold over 40 like all his gung ho supporters. So I see that you can relate on why sex is shameful to me - the smells and juices. See, you're not alone! I've yet to go to jail though other than for Psychology class. Sorry buddy!

[lefthand.livejournal.com]

Excuse me. There are some men who don't have a problem with menstruation. It never bothered me. I have found that a number of the women I have played with are much more horny during their period than at any other time. Who am I to pass up such largess?
As far as oral sex, the clit is uphill from the seepage and to be quite honest, skin washes. No big deal. It's not like I don't know what blood tastes like.
I would suggest that that aversion is actually found in both genders, even though I have no problem with it, I do know of many women who won't consider having sex on their period. Shame that, it often has most enticing rewards.

You keep mentioning these alleged horny women who do without. That situation can be easily addressed but it does require that the condition be known. I have spent a lot of time looking for women who are looking for sex for pleasure. When it comes down to it, many balk at pursuing play simply on the basis of making each other feel good (though there is a great deal of talk on the issue). Asking for what you want greatly increase your chances of getting.

If not, just remember the magic word:

[kukla-tko42.livejournal.com]

Perhaps I should have been more clear:

I know that there are men who aren't bothered by having sex with a woman while she's menstruating.

I was addressing what I perceived to be the larger percentage: Men who do have a problem with it.

You'll notice that none of them have spoken up, yet.

I am perfectly capable of asking for what I want. I am also willing in most instances to negotiate a compromise with those I love.

Also: I am extremely picky about my sex partners. Very, very picky. The best skill set in the world, coupled with the best attitude about sex does not override a personality which is incompatible with mine.

Mostly, I'm just bitching about random stuff. Most of the things that REALLY piss me off won't make it to this forum.

[lefthand.livejournal.com]

Understood, but is that percentage overly represented in the people you know? Or even the people you would associate with? I recognize that the bulk of people don't share my proclivities but then again, I seldom interact with them so it doesn't prove to be much of an issue. I suspect you won't find a lot of them reading your journal.

I remember in Minnesota, I kept hearing people who thought (receiving)oral sex was kinky. I was really suprised. That was when I came to understand that which is normal and adaptive in my circles isn't necessary warmly accepted by all. Shame that but it is their choice.

The rest was my rant and carries approximately the same weight, just random crabbing.

[sunyudai.livejournal.com]

You'll notice that none of them have spoken up, yet.

I must admit that I'm one of those, but then again, I haven't exactly had much in the way of chances to expirament.
*shrug*
It's mostly just a lack of interest.

Oh well, I don't even know why i'm saying this. It could just be the beer, though I haven't had too much.

[kukla-tko42.livejournal.com]

It's mostly just a lack of interest.

In girls who are menstruating, or just girls?
:)

[sunyudai.livejournal.com]

girls who are menstruating.

'm bi, not gay.

Pokety poke

[kukla-tko42.livejournal.com]

Just teasing you.
:)

Re: Pokety poke

[sunyudai.livejournal.com]

I know.

I was tempted to answer something along the lines of "Girls who don't have scales" but that's not 100% true... I've come acrossed exactly three girls and two guys in my life who don't have scales that I'm attracted to.

[bakadragon.livejournal.com]

haha yer drunk ^.^

[sunyudai.livejournal.com]

Hey, free beer, why not?

ooh an opinon from the other side...

[minidoc.livejournal.com]

very cool, it can be done but proper planning is definately a must at least if you don't want a crazy mess. Old sheets/towels make life much more amenable. You may not even have to worry about the blood issue as much if you're willing to buy some other paraphanalia.

I'm not sure if it's still on the market but there used to be a contraption called instead that you could use. It's kinda like a diaphragm but it catches all the icky stuff and you can go about your normal business and even have sex with it in. It might be a compromise for those who are interested.

http://www.softcup.com/

Re: ooh an opinon from the other side...

[lefthand.livejournal.com]

The contraceptive sponges used to have a big following for similar reasons. I have also had a partner who used natural sea sponges so she could enjoy cunnilingus without feeling self-conscious that she was making me look like an ax-murder victim. It never bothered me but she said the sight of me coming up for air afterward was a little much. I hadn't heard about the diaphragmoptions to allow intercourse without a towel. Good to know. Thanks.

Re: ooh an opinon from the other side...

[minidoc.livejournal.com]

Natural sea sponges? I guess she must have put them in right before and out immediately after otherwise I'm not sure you could get them clean enough to my liking without autoclaving them (for sterilization. I'd also be worried about toxic shock syndrome.

Curious.

Re: ooh an opinon from the other side...

[lefthand.livejournal.com]

Not sure one way or the other. No problems as far as I was aware. Given that it was in the midwest, it is likely she bought them sterilized and neatly packaged.

Re: ooh an opinon from the other side...

[kukla-tko42.livejournal.com]

Hmmm.

I have noticed "Instead."

It intrigued me. Perhaps the next time I have to deal with this BS I'll go buy a package of that.

Re: ooh an opinon from the other side...

[minidoc.livejournal.com]

They are not cheap but may be invaluable if they work for you. They are sized to fit most people. But your partner has to be ok with the situation. I'd recommend a shower first, slipping it in and a quick rinse afterward to make sure everything is tidy.

Re: ooh an opinon from the other side...

[lefthand.livejournal.com]

here's something from bad_sex on the same product (http://www.livejournal.com/community/bad_sex/1716560.html)

[bakadragon.livejournal.com]

I've never had during - I've had at near to end where it didn't matter though (my cycle = weird though - first 3 days omgfloodrofldie, next 3-4 days it tapers off slowly to the point of annoyance). Garxor is very weirded out by the whole thing, I think even if I was a guy I wouldn't really care, but I have a strange fixation on blood sometimes so let's not go there o_O

[sunyudai.livejournal.com]

"strange fixation on blood sometimes"

You too? can you smell it?

I distance myself because of oddness.. hrmm.. ask me in person sometime and i'll explain.

[hick0ry.livejournal.com]

as a conscientious toilet paper fan who's been known to give up in frustration and just take a shower, I'll confess that some of those skid marks just can't be helped: you're comfy in bed, in the middle of the night, you think you just have to fart, when a nasty little bubble pops instead. bleh. fortunately, we humans have underwear that isn't white, or bleach.

You know...

[kukla-tko42.livejournal.com]

Women fart, too. And yet, I have never heard of a woman with skid marks, unless there was some dire emergency (or her sphincter was damaged in childbirth.)

Despite my random bowel issues (Which I will NOT get into here) I have never been surprised by a fart-that-wasn't.

I can usually TELL if that thing is loaded.

[hick0ry.livejournal.com]

i didn't say loaded, i just a bubble. like blowing a little spit bubble, but with obnoxious ass mucus.

[kukla-tko42.livejournal.com]

I was wrong before.

NOW we're WAAAAY into oversharing...

Oddly enough, I don't seem to suffer from "Ass mucus."

Anyone else?

Re: You know...

[bradhicks.livejournal.com]

As good a place as any to reply. The only woman I was having sex with on a regular basis and also living with at the time was my ex. I had minor issues with it I was certainly willing to get over. She didn't, because to her, the effort needed to prepare the bed to where she could take her tampon out without ruining the sheets and the matress pad was a big turnoff for her. She wanted at least the illusion of spontaneity. All of my other (few) long-term relationships were with women who had different issues, but for their various different reasons didn't want to have sex during their period.

I'm not saying this to come on to you, I'm sure you know that. I mention this to remind you that it's not always the men who have the issue, and that some of us who are in the habit of thinking of menstruating women as distant and unavailable came by that habit "honestly."

And at least two of the women I've lived with enough to do laundry with had skid marks. Hick0ry is right; most of them do not occur right after going to the bathroom. Since you're already grossed out, I'll leave it at that, and I only mentioned it because you asked.