Bad theater...
Jun. 21st, 2004 09:31 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
kukla_tkoI am gearing up for the Midsummer Night's Dream performance. Unfortunately, I was missing 6 of my cast members for my initial rehearsal and "audition."
Mach Nicht.
I am going to end up rehearsing this in sections, anyway.
I also found out that I have a tiger by the tail. The dear friend of mine that I have entrusted with the role of Bottom the Weaver... is so well-trained and talented that he's raising the bar for all of my actors; including me. For the first time ever, I suddenly realize that I don't have to carry the show.
Ahhh.
Now I can focus upon my directing.
But.
I do want to tell a story. There are two shows that I have been involved with that will forever be held up as the standard for awful productions.
One was a children's-audience-participation piece that was put together by a local community college. They do one or two of these each summer. I performed in The Pied Piper when I was 16. That show was great, it had a good updated storyline, a six-person ensemble cast, and was brilliantly costumed. We had a tight group and it was a real privilege to work with that cast and director.
So, when I was 21 I auditioned for "The Jungle Book" which was being produced by the same community college. I totally dominated the audition, and scored the role of Shere Khan; the tiger and the villain of the piece. I was thrilled, until I read the script.
Is that smoke coming from Kipling's Grave? Gosh, he must be spinning fast for that much smoke to be pouring out of there...
The script was awful. Baloo actually lectures Mowgli about dropping his banana peel on the ground. Littering is against the "Law of the Jungle; Jungle LAW!" That phrase was repeated randomly throughout the play, and every time we said it, we had to lift a paw (fist) and chant "Law of the Jungle, JUNGLE LAW" in unison.
The script actually had some suggestions for costuming, including the sage advice that we should all wear jogging suits, each in a different (and assigned) color. It had a list of props at the beginning, which was incomplete. There's that bit where Baloo is doing the lecture on littering, and the direction in the script stated, "Baloo produces a trash bag."
Ok.
That trash bag was not mentioned in the prop list, and what's more, the script gives no indication as to what Baloo does with the accursed thing when the lecture is over.
Produces a trash bag?
Sure enough, we were going over this scene in rehearsal, and someone (probably me) piped up with "Produced it from WHERE? Out of his Bear Ass?"
Ah. Now I understand what a "Producer" is, and every time I see a Producer acknowledged in a playbill or on the screen at a movie, I always get the image of Baloo producing a trash bag out of his bear ass in my head.
Did I mention the costumes? Ok. Now, I have been in shows where the costume designer and myself had some issues; differences of opinion. That's ok, I respect someone who works hard, knows his or her job, and produces good stuff regardless of whether it matches my "vision."
But a paycheck and a serger do not a costumer make.
This woman started making our costumes. We were measured, and she began construction. The little girl who was playing Mowgli had a cute blond page-boy cut. We talked about it, and discussed it with her parents. They gave permission to dye her hair black, so that she would look like the Mowgli in the cartoon. She was excited about it, and as she was trying on her skin-colored leotard covered with leaves, we chatted about it. The costume designer looked up from her fitting with Kaa, the snake. (UGh. Teal stretch knit bodysuit with gigantic purple tissue lame spots, edged with sequins.)
"Why would she dye her hair black?" Asked Mistress Costume Designer.
"..." I stared at her, openmouthed.
"BeCAUSE, I am playing Mowgli. You know. A little BOY from INDIA?" The little girl spoke for me, and most effectively, too.
"What?" asked the clever costume designer, who was digging out a tuxedo tail coat for the "great wolf". "No one told me that." She looked really pissed. "We'll get you a wig, honey. You don't have to dye your hair."
We looked at each other and shrugged. Whatever. She ended up wearing a terrible and uncomfortable wig that made her head look really big.
Baloo looked like the overgrown child of an Ewok and a flying squirrel. The actress playing the "big serious bear" was deeply uncomfortable in her overstuffed bear headpiece, blanket-like costume piece that attached to her hands and feet, wearing brown pants and a pink t-shirt underneath. UGH.
I have already mentioned Kaa the Snake. *Shudder.*
Bagheera was fine, except that his tail was too long, and the end was stuffed oddly... looked very phallic.
The Great Wolf, leader of the Jungle Creatures and upholder of the Jungle Law... looked like Walter Wolf from the Slappy Squirrel bits on Animaniacs. She put him in furry shorts, striped stockings and distressed boots, along with a tuxedo tailcoat (which was too small for him) and a top hat with the "wolf nose" and ears attached to it, and a daisy drooping out of the hat band. (Horrors.)
But wait, there's more. There are two costume changes that occur. Bagheera is supposed to also play the Monkey King. The audience is supposed to come up and play the Monkeys, along with Baloo and Kaa. (Remember that overstuffed Bear Head?) So she took a bunch of net-backed trucker hats, and put a pair of monkey ears on the back, and a curly tail on the bill. I think that she thought they would look like "cool backwards baseball caps."
Um.
No.
Baloo also had a costume change, as she had to play the villager that Mowgli steals the fire from.
Here's the deal; The Costume Mistress had no idea that there were costume changes. We were less than two weeks out and she hadn't done anything about the villager or the Monkey King.
It was about that time that I stopped being able to keep my (semi-professional costumer's) mouth shut.
"Haven't you READ the Script?" I asked her.
"No. I have a list of costumes to make."
"But you are familiar with The Jungle Book, right?"
"No, I never read it."
"Oh. That's ok. You're familiar with the Disney movie, or the Tailspin Cartoons, though, right?"
"Huh? No, I have never heard of those."
*Hair stands all on end.*
"And you haven't read the script."
"Nope."
"Would you like to borrow my copy? There's two costume changes, you know."
No wonder none of the costumes were even remotely appropriate.
Well.
There was one that turned out pretty well.
See, what I brought to the party was MY OWN COSTUME. I had a great tiger-striped spandex unitard (And that was the last time I looked REALLY GOOD in it, too.) I made a furry "vest" piece that went over my shoulders, and fur mitts for my hands and feet. I added a marabou feather boa tail. I grew out my fingernails and painted them black. And then I teased out my mop of red curls into a magnificent mane any 80's hair band would have been proud to own. They called me "Shaka Kahn" backstage.
Everyone loved my costume, including the director. That's right, guys. If you want good anthropomorphic animal characters, CAST A FURRY!***
Now, as far as everyone being off book, a great director, a tight cast... yeah. We should have kicked butt. But the blocking was... difficult. I had to explain to the other actors that when I roar and go for the "Jungle Boy" in a rage, if they haven't hit their mark they are going to be knocked down. Shere Khan isn't going to politely go around someone to get at her prey. They all understood, but during one performance Bagheera got in my way. He went DOWN, too. I landed on him, and swooped him to the side as I hit the ground. I apologized to him later, and he grinned and said, "Nah. You did the blocking right, I did it wrong. You didn't hurt me. Besides, it looked REALLY good. Maybe we should do it that way on purpose next time!"
I had fun. But it was still an awful play. Really. Bad. A total stinker.
*** Note; I am not a Fursuit furry, any more than I am a Leather, latex, vinyl and wool Klingon. I like my costumes lighter weight and easy to move in than fake fur and bulky fabrics. I was the kind of "furry" that worked in mostly spandex and body paint. Now, I am a little too big for the spandex-and-bodypaint costumes, but I still do fantastic animal faces.
Next up; Never Piss Off Dionysus.
Mach Nicht.
I am going to end up rehearsing this in sections, anyway.
I also found out that I have a tiger by the tail. The dear friend of mine that I have entrusted with the role of Bottom the Weaver... is so well-trained and talented that he's raising the bar for all of my actors; including me. For the first time ever, I suddenly realize that I don't have to carry the show.
Ahhh.
Now I can focus upon my directing.
But.
I do want to tell a story. There are two shows that I have been involved with that will forever be held up as the standard for awful productions.
One was a children's-audience-participation piece that was put together by a local community college. They do one or two of these each summer. I performed in The Pied Piper when I was 16. That show was great, it had a good updated storyline, a six-person ensemble cast, and was brilliantly costumed. We had a tight group and it was a real privilege to work with that cast and director.
So, when I was 21 I auditioned for "The Jungle Book" which was being produced by the same community college. I totally dominated the audition, and scored the role of Shere Khan; the tiger and the villain of the piece. I was thrilled, until I read the script.
Is that smoke coming from Kipling's Grave? Gosh, he must be spinning fast for that much smoke to be pouring out of there...
The script was awful. Baloo actually lectures Mowgli about dropping his banana peel on the ground. Littering is against the "Law of the Jungle; Jungle LAW!" That phrase was repeated randomly throughout the play, and every time we said it, we had to lift a paw (fist) and chant "Law of the Jungle, JUNGLE LAW" in unison.
The script actually had some suggestions for costuming, including the sage advice that we should all wear jogging suits, each in a different (and assigned) color. It had a list of props at the beginning, which was incomplete. There's that bit where Baloo is doing the lecture on littering, and the direction in the script stated, "Baloo produces a trash bag."
Ok.
That trash bag was not mentioned in the prop list, and what's more, the script gives no indication as to what Baloo does with the accursed thing when the lecture is over.
Produces a trash bag?
Sure enough, we were going over this scene in rehearsal, and someone (probably me) piped up with "Produced it from WHERE? Out of his Bear Ass?"
Ah. Now I understand what a "Producer" is, and every time I see a Producer acknowledged in a playbill or on the screen at a movie, I always get the image of Baloo producing a trash bag out of his bear ass in my head.
Did I mention the costumes? Ok. Now, I have been in shows where the costume designer and myself had some issues; differences of opinion. That's ok, I respect someone who works hard, knows his or her job, and produces good stuff regardless of whether it matches my "vision."
But a paycheck and a serger do not a costumer make.
This woman started making our costumes. We were measured, and she began construction. The little girl who was playing Mowgli had a cute blond page-boy cut. We talked about it, and discussed it with her parents. They gave permission to dye her hair black, so that she would look like the Mowgli in the cartoon. She was excited about it, and as she was trying on her skin-colored leotard covered with leaves, we chatted about it. The costume designer looked up from her fitting with Kaa, the snake. (UGh. Teal stretch knit bodysuit with gigantic purple tissue lame spots, edged with sequins.)
"Why would she dye her hair black?" Asked Mistress Costume Designer.
"..." I stared at her, openmouthed.
"BeCAUSE, I am playing Mowgli. You know. A little BOY from INDIA?" The little girl spoke for me, and most effectively, too.
"What?" asked the clever costume designer, who was digging out a tuxedo tail coat for the "great wolf". "No one told me that." She looked really pissed. "We'll get you a wig, honey. You don't have to dye your hair."
We looked at each other and shrugged. Whatever. She ended up wearing a terrible and uncomfortable wig that made her head look really big.
Baloo looked like the overgrown child of an Ewok and a flying squirrel. The actress playing the "big serious bear" was deeply uncomfortable in her overstuffed bear headpiece, blanket-like costume piece that attached to her hands and feet, wearing brown pants and a pink t-shirt underneath. UGH.
I have already mentioned Kaa the Snake. *Shudder.*
Bagheera was fine, except that his tail was too long, and the end was stuffed oddly... looked very phallic.
The Great Wolf, leader of the Jungle Creatures and upholder of the Jungle Law... looked like Walter Wolf from the Slappy Squirrel bits on Animaniacs. She put him in furry shorts, striped stockings and distressed boots, along with a tuxedo tailcoat (which was too small for him) and a top hat with the "wolf nose" and ears attached to it, and a daisy drooping out of the hat band. (Horrors.)
But wait, there's more. There are two costume changes that occur. Bagheera is supposed to also play the Monkey King. The audience is supposed to come up and play the Monkeys, along with Baloo and Kaa. (Remember that overstuffed Bear Head?) So she took a bunch of net-backed trucker hats, and put a pair of monkey ears on the back, and a curly tail on the bill. I think that she thought they would look like "cool backwards baseball caps."
Um.
No.
Baloo also had a costume change, as she had to play the villager that Mowgli steals the fire from.
Here's the deal; The Costume Mistress had no idea that there were costume changes. We were less than two weeks out and she hadn't done anything about the villager or the Monkey King.
It was about that time that I stopped being able to keep my (semi-professional costumer's) mouth shut.
"Haven't you READ the Script?" I asked her.
"No. I have a list of costumes to make."
"But you are familiar with The Jungle Book, right?"
"No, I never read it."
"Oh. That's ok. You're familiar with the Disney movie, or the Tailspin Cartoons, though, right?"
"Huh? No, I have never heard of those."
*Hair stands all on end.*
"And you haven't read the script."
"Nope."
"Would you like to borrow my copy? There's two costume changes, you know."
No wonder none of the costumes were even remotely appropriate.
Well.
There was one that turned out pretty well.
See, what I brought to the party was MY OWN COSTUME. I had a great tiger-striped spandex unitard (And that was the last time I looked REALLY GOOD in it, too.) I made a furry "vest" piece that went over my shoulders, and fur mitts for my hands and feet. I added a marabou feather boa tail. I grew out my fingernails and painted them black. And then I teased out my mop of red curls into a magnificent mane any 80's hair band would have been proud to own. They called me "Shaka Kahn" backstage.
Everyone loved my costume, including the director. That's right, guys. If you want good anthropomorphic animal characters, CAST A FURRY!***
Now, as far as everyone being off book, a great director, a tight cast... yeah. We should have kicked butt. But the blocking was... difficult. I had to explain to the other actors that when I roar and go for the "Jungle Boy" in a rage, if they haven't hit their mark they are going to be knocked down. Shere Khan isn't going to politely go around someone to get at her prey. They all understood, but during one performance Bagheera got in my way. He went DOWN, too. I landed on him, and swooped him to the side as I hit the ground. I apologized to him later, and he grinned and said, "Nah. You did the blocking right, I did it wrong. You didn't hurt me. Besides, it looked REALLY good. Maybe we should do it that way on purpose next time!"
I had fun. But it was still an awful play. Really. Bad. A total stinker.
*** Note; I am not a Fursuit furry, any more than I am a Leather, latex, vinyl and wool Klingon. I like my costumes lighter weight and easy to move in than fake fur and bulky fabrics. I was the kind of "furry" that worked in mostly spandex and body paint. Now, I am a little too big for the spandex-and-bodypaint costumes, but I still do fantastic animal faces.
Next up; Never Piss Off Dionysus.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2004-06-21 09:13 am (UTC)I prefer to think of it as his Bear Necessity...
Ahem. Hehe. Heh.
I'm gonna run now.
no subject
Date: 2004-06-21 09:43 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-06-21 09:52 am (UTC)Production
Date: 2004-06-21 10:18 am (UTC)The Original Line:
Baloo: Watch out for Shere Khan. He's a fierce tiger. He has the strength of a Bull Elephant.
Kaa: And the slyness of a fox.
What We Changed It To:
Baloo: She has the strength of a Bull... Dyke...
The Original Line:
The Great Wolf: (Scolding Shere Khan.)Eating MAN is against the Law of the Jungle.
Must explain; I was, without any doubt, the butchest member of this cast. Bagheera was a slight young man, straight but kind of fey at the same time. The Great Wolf was played by a young man who had figured his sexuality out by the time puberty hit. His proud nickname was "fruit loop." He was... very stereotypical. And I adored him.
What We Did To The Line:
Wolf: Eating Man is against the Law of the Jungle.
All: Law of the Jungle, JUNGLE LAW.
Shere Khan: (Snort.) Well, YOU do it...
Two of the cast members were under 13 years old, and it didn't even slow DOWN the obnoxious remarks. Heh heh heh.
For our last show, we did an on-the-road performance at a local children's hospital. By this point, we were having way too much fun, and ad-libbing some of the sillier lines. At one point, Shere Khan is insulting all the other animals who are preventing him from eating Mowgli. I threw out all the nasty remarks we had all said about our costumes, instead of the written lame lines. "You overgrown Ewok! Give that flying squirrel his pelt back! And you! Is that your tail or are you just happy to see me? Get out of my way, Disco Iguana!"
Snerk. Ok, I didn't make the tail remark, I just wish I had. The rest actually happened.
Re: Production
Date: 2004-06-21 07:05 pm (UTC)Re: Production
Date: 2004-06-22 06:29 am (UTC)