There and back again: An Epic Story

I made my way from St. Louis to Little Rock on Sunday. The trip was uneventful, and the weather was pleasant (while driving in air conditioning.) I did not observe any delays or construction from the flooding, so I felt much more confident in making the return trip in time.

I spent the night in the little no-tell motel between the Electric Cowboy and the abandoned tattoo parlor. (Ok, the closed tattoo parlor. There was a for-sale sign, so it's not really abandoned, but as was pointed out to me recently: An Abandoned Tattoo Parlor makes for a better story.)

I did find one lonely dead bug in the room, and I decided that I did not care. The bed was nice, the rest of the room was clean, and the shower was a cool corner unit that I liked very much. Upon check-in, I was given a remote for the TV. This amused me, but I figured that I could kill some brain cells watching the goddamnednoisybox for a while.

Around the corner, I discovered a little chinese buffet-and-more, not unlike some of the ones that have cropped up around here. Full-on Chinese Buffet, Sushi bar, Mongolian BBQ. Dinner was more expensive than lunch, so I had to pay the full $9.95.

Sweet!

I also hit the dollar store because... well, I'm a sucker for the dollar store. They had some interesting "curl enhancing" conditioners and products, so I snagged a few for scientific study. They also had Minion plates (for children, of course) which I intend to use for a certain party later this year. They had some generic snacks, and also a big box of apple juice. Like, the biggest juice box you ever saw. He has mentioned to me many times that fruit or fruit juice was extremely scarce, as in "thought to be extinct" on the inside.

I got to bed at a decent hour, got up in the morning and went to check out of the motel. Upon returning the key and the remote (well, he'd given it to me on check-in, I might as well do a proper check-out and give it back...) I received a deposit I didn't know I'd made.
Huh.
I left the few bucks as a tip for the maid. Whee!

I continued on my way, carefully keeping track of the time. Once again, I had gorgeous weather and few delays. There were a few areas where there was construction (theoretically) but nothing to indicate dramatic delays.

I've done this run in the rain, and that's miserable. This was quite pleasant, with all the lovely lodge pines and greenery. I played CDs (I remembered to pack CDs!) and occasionally playlists from my iPad. I ate a nice salad at Wendy's, knowing that Oakdale has crap for food. I arrived in Oakdale by 5pm, which felt like record time.
I asked if the pool was open, which it was (or would be as soon as they finished cleaning it.) I went and put on the swimsuit I'd remembered to bring this time, and went for a dip in their little pool.
Of bathwater.
Ugh. It wasn't very refreshing, and swimming alone is fine if you're going to do laps. I decided that I didn't want to do laps. I floated and swam around, and finally decided that this was kind of stupid and went back to my room.

Jurassic Park 2 and 3 were on SyFy. Dinosaurs, WHOO!! I just watched 1 the other day, right before going to see the new one in theaters. I'd never seen 3, and it's been a long time since I saw 2. So I put on clothes, dashed out to Sonic to grab food, hit the Dollar General for more road snacks and incidentals. I decided to buy a pack of razors, in case he needed one. I discovered too late that I neglected to pack any hair ties, so I snagged a package of those. I got some snacks that were not candy (since I had plenty of candy, trail mix, and the like) and a pair of swim trunks for him. (Hey, he might want to swim in the weird little pool.)

Back in the room, I settled in for cheesy dinosaur movies and Sonic treats. After the dinosaurs, I took a nice long shower, washed my hair, put all kinds of new product in it (SCIENCE!) and settled in to bed.

I've gotten better about going to bed earlier. Being awakened by children on the weekends will do that for you.

So I woke with my alarm on Tuesday, got up and dressed and headed over to the facility. I was early (try not to faint) and I arrived in time for shift change. I got to see how the guards have to also do the whole TSA/Metal detector/Scan your crap routine, just like we do when we visit. Somehow it made me feel better.
I was told to wait, which I did.
I was then told I wasn't allowed to wait inside. I was to wait in the parking lot.
So I went out to the car. As I got to the car, I heard a voice say, "OH, there she go. She's over there, man." I turned around to see him walking toward me, carrying way too much stuff.

Sigh. It was so important to that guard to show her superiority, that she couldn't let me wait two minutes for him to come out so I could help him carry his stuff. God DAMN it.

So I scurried over there and helped him carry his things to the car.

I brought him back to the motel, because my calculations told me that I had a bit of time to play with. I offered him a chance to change into real clothes, because I had brought him a suitcase full of his actual clothes. (Jeans, t-shirts, an old Curious Cat shirt, some polos, socks, etc.) He was eager to put on real clothes!

<>

So then we loaded up the car. He was so happy to load the car for me.
Like, stupidly happy.

Then again, he hasn't loaded someone's car in years. It's the mundane stuff that you really start to miss, I guess.

So we got on the road, but I had discovered that some of my dollar general items hadn't made it to the motel with me, so we hit the store on the way out. Turns out that they'd held the bag, since the burned-out dude who checked me out had forgotten to give me a whole bag of stuff. (Sigh.)

We also got McDonald's breakfast. Nom...

On the road, we breezed through to Alexandria, and he wanted to help navigate. Aww. So I let him do so, from time to time. On the other hand, I'd done this trip many times, so I knew my way. I was able to point out weird random things along the way, and we both remarked upon how nature reclaims things with a vengeance in the south. I let him pick the music, and we enjoyed that, too. I missed singing with him in the car.
I wish I'd had the Muppet Movie soundtrack with me; it would have been utterly perfect to sing Movin Right Along with him.

Now, this part of the journey is basically tiny town followed by a lot of highway then another tiny town. Some of the tiny towns don't actually have gas stations (that are open.)

I miscalculated.
I ran the prius out of gas.
Augh.

In an area without cell phone coverage.

When we're on a time deadline. I had twelve hours to get him to Farmington.
IF he didn't get there in twelve hours, he'd be considered an escapee, and would be slapped with another five years for trying to run.
#24601

However, there was a phone number he was given in case of detours, delays, emergencies, and the like. Turns out that they're not completely unreasonable. Once we got some cell phone service, he called in to explain that we'd run out of gas and had to get a good samaritan to help us out, which ate over an hour.

And here's what actually happened:
We pulled over, and I had him get out and wave someone down. A very nice lady pulled over, and her cell phone had service. I was going to have her call AAA for me, but she said her aunt (who was local; the lady's car had Texas plates) had a gas can in her car and could come out on her lunch break to help us. We thanked her and she went on her way. She had a toddler in a carseat who had a doctor's appointment to get to.

Well, ok. Thank you, lady.

So I got out the Ipad and was showing him pictures from the last year or so. He was really delighted with the device, and I had to resist the urge to let him just fool around with it. But he was keeping an eye on the time and finally said, "Look, it's been almost an hour. No one is coming to help us."

So we both got out and tried to flag someone down. A nice gentleman pulled over, and as soon as we started to explain, he immediately started moving trash out of his passenger seat.

I looked at my husband, and he said, "Um, you're the one with the ID and the money. Why don't you go get a gas can and some gas, and I'll stay here and guard the vehicle."

And this is why I married him. He did not chivalrously insist upon getting into the car with a stranger, nor did he forbid me from doing so. I'm not even sure he considered for a moment that I would be unsafe, because he trusts me implicitly, and knows I can take care of myself. He looked at the pair of us, realized that I was the better person to handle this part of the adventure, and suggested the most logical course.

Because we are partners. Equal partners.

Anyway, I hopped in the car, and the gentleman introduced himself as Roosevelt.
All my hair stood on end. I happen to really like the name Roosevelt.
In fact, one of my most favorite "human" characters on Sesame Street was Roosevelt Franklin. I was really sad when they stopped doing stories about him. He was awesome.

I took it as a sign that I was in good hands.

Roosevelt took me to the next gas station, which turned out to be less than five miles away. I bought a 15 dollar gas can, put a gallon of gas in it (actually, it was probably less) and he picked up some lunch because he was on his way to work. He then took me back to the car, and refused to let me buy him gas, or food, or give him any money at all.
I finally said, "You're doing God's work, man."
He nodded and said, "Well, yeah."

God bless you, Roosevelt.

So we put the gas in, got to the next station, filled up and made potty breaks, and got our stupid butts back on the road.

By the time we got to Little Rock, we were very hungry. We hit a subway with a drive-through and drove through. We'd lost enough time that I was extremely nervous, so we didn't stop anywhere for long.

I'd kind of hoped for a break in Little Rock but it was not to be.

About an hour later, he asked for a pit stop, so we pulled off the highway. I figured I'd top off the tank (because GOD DAMN IT I was not going to run out of gas again.)

Other than that, we didn't make any stops.
And I FLEW. I am proud to say that except for a bit where there was a state trooper ahead of me and one behind me, I did not obey the speed limit ANYWHERE except exit ramps. I was a speed demon!
I CAN'T DRIVE... 55!!

So I did make back some of the time, but it's still 67, which goes through little town after little town. Augh.

It was getting close to 8pm, our deadline, and we were still just south of Fredricktown. I suggested that he call in to report our progress, and they seemed pretty blase about it, since he'd called in earlier.

I dropped him off at the facility, and I was told that I didn't need to sign in or anything, just drop him off and go.

And I did.

I came home, jazzed up and buzzed, so when I returned the Prius to the Dragon household, they were very indulgent and let me unpack my head and tell crazy stories.

It was very hard to have him back for 12 hours, only to return him to the system. Sigh.
His exit date is in Mid-September.