Dec. 7th, 2014

kukla_tko: (Toy Soldier)
"Would you like some toast?"
YES.

Some of you may recall that I have an evil haunted toaster.

No, really; it's a lovely toaster oven, very similar to the one I grew up with. After we moved in here it decided that it was going to burn my stuff to a crisp.

It required monitoring, and occasional flicks of holy water.

In truth, it probably was developing a temperature control problem.

Then, earlier this year, I tried to reheat french fries in it. The result was that it tried to catch my house on fire.

At this point I put a foot down and declared it to be evil, and haunted, and forbade everyone from using it.

But that means I've been completely toastless since.
I like toast. I really really do. I quit buying bread because I'd just let it mold instead of eating it because I couldn't toast it.

I would like some toast.

I received an early Christmas (or late St. Nicholas' Day) gift today: The Dragons gave me a shiny new toaster oven!
MAN, this thing cooks CHICKENS. It has an instruction pamphlet (that I'm not supposed to throw away; it says so.) It has like four different "toasting positions" for the rack and tray assemblies.

This is a swanky toaster. This is some Stark Tower Stuff right here. It also chirps when it is done (I am accustomed to a "ding" or simply a "Pop" noise) and has three setting dials. Three.

I have just tested it with an english muffin. And as much as I love toast, I love a toasted english muffin 200% more. This was a whole grain english muffin.

Bliss.
With butter.


Why do I love a toaster oven rather than a pop-up toaster?
Well, when I've had oven issues in the past, it has been convenient to bake in one, but the real delight of a toaster oven is toasting your bread product, and then setting a slice of butter on top, then gently closing the door to let the butter melt into the bread product.

Mmmmmmm.

Now I'm off to craft a clever bit of patter for Ebay so I can sell my Evil Toaster. Yes, I intend to put all over the auction listing that this object SHOULD NEVER be used to heat bread products or anything else. It is for entertainment purposes only, or perhaps an outdoor art installation.

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