Hobbity Thoughts
Dec. 20th, 2012 01:00 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
kukla_tkoI will carefully place these thoughts below a cut to avoid spoilers.
The Non-Spoilery Stuff: I liked it! Of course I did! Arthur Dent as Bilbo Baggins? (well, they're sort of the same guy, aren't they?) An Unexpected Hotness of Dwarves (go look at![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
sarahtales if you want to know the reference)!! Elves! Dragons! ORCRIST THE GOBLIN CLEAVER!!! Singing! Trolls!
Ok, Peter Jackson you want to take a children's book and streeeeeeeetch it out into three three hour movies. I get it. But if you're going to go through all that bother, do you think you could actually get Gollum to do the WHOLE riddle? "Kills King, ruins town, and brings tall mountain down!!"
Maybe I wouldn't be quite so annoyed about it if there wasn't so much random other stuff you threw in for fun.
Some suggestions, Mister Jackson: Consider that all of the budget you spent to give us Rock Monsters instead of A Really Bad Storm to drive our heroes into the mountain COULD have been spent more effectively. For example, you could have paid the costume designer to clean Sylvester McCoy's wig. Or even better, you could have done some awesome CGI wizardry to make ordinary horses look like shaggy ponies.
Yes, I realize that you probably spent a small fortune making Shaggy Pony Costumes for your horses, but it really just looked like dudes of ordinary size riding horses of ordinary size... and the horses were wearing weird shaggy pyjamas. In an age of Bronies, don't you think we know horses from ponies yet? The Orcs got nearly-believable Wolf-Monsters to ride, couldn't our dwarves (and hobbit) get actual ponies CGI-Grafted onto their horses? C'mon...
Ok, enough whining.
I'm going to make a drinking game out of this film. Every time there's an oblique "Labyrinth" reference, drink. Here are the ones I counted and remembered:
"Don't go that way! It'l lead straight to that (elvish) castle!"
Once can almost hear the character with the silky long black hair saying, "Augh! It's not FAIR!" (that would be Thorin. heh.)
"You can take off your head!" (Firey=Rockmonster)
Singing. More specifically, Hot British Dude(s) Singing.
A bit with jewelry and anger
Riddles ("I don't know, I've never understood it!")
Goofy Goblins
Goblin. King. (Ok, he didn't have David Bowie's Crotch, but his weird neck-wattle was oddly scrotal.)
Anyway, I am looking forward to the next one which should include both a mess of spiders and a bit with the dragon.
The Non-Spoilery Stuff: I liked it! Of course I did! Arthur Dent as Bilbo Baggins? (well, they're sort of the same guy, aren't they?) An Unexpected Hotness of Dwarves (go look at
sarahtales if you want to know the reference)!! Elves! Dragons! ORCRIST THE GOBLIN CLEAVER!!! Singing! Trolls!Ok, Peter Jackson you want to take a children's book and streeeeeeeetch it out into three three hour movies. I get it. But if you're going to go through all that bother, do you think you could actually get Gollum to do the WHOLE riddle? "Kills King, ruins town, and brings tall mountain down!!"
Maybe I wouldn't be quite so annoyed about it if there wasn't so much random other stuff you threw in for fun.
Some suggestions, Mister Jackson: Consider that all of the budget you spent to give us Rock Monsters instead of A Really Bad Storm to drive our heroes into the mountain COULD have been spent more effectively. For example, you could have paid the costume designer to clean Sylvester McCoy's wig. Or even better, you could have done some awesome CGI wizardry to make ordinary horses look like shaggy ponies.
Yes, I realize that you probably spent a small fortune making Shaggy Pony Costumes for your horses, but it really just looked like dudes of ordinary size riding horses of ordinary size... and the horses were wearing weird shaggy pyjamas. In an age of Bronies, don't you think we know horses from ponies yet? The Orcs got nearly-believable Wolf-Monsters to ride, couldn't our dwarves (and hobbit) get actual ponies CGI-Grafted onto their horses? C'mon...
Ok, enough whining.
I'm going to make a drinking game out of this film. Every time there's an oblique "Labyrinth" reference, drink. Here are the ones I counted and remembered:
"Don't go that way! It'l lead straight to that (elvish) castle!"
Once can almost hear the character with the silky long black hair saying, "Augh! It's not FAIR!" (that would be Thorin. heh.)
"You can take off your head!" (Firey=Rockmonster)
Singing. More specifically, Hot British Dude(s) Singing.
A bit with jewelry and anger
Riddles ("I don't know, I've never understood it!")
Goofy Goblins
Goblin. King. (Ok, he didn't have David Bowie's Crotch, but his weird neck-wattle was oddly scrotal.)
Anyway, I am looking forward to the next one which should include both a mess of spiders and a bit with the dragon.
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Date: 2012-12-30 07:58 pm (UTC).
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do you think you could actually get Gollum to do the WHOLE riddle? "Kills King, ruins town, and brings tall mountain down!!"
He actually skipped entire riddles *grumble*. Including the fish riddle to which Gollum alludes in LOTR! Auuuughhhh!!!!. Extended edition on DVD/Blu-ray? PLEASE????
The Stone Giants are mentioned in the book, but not dwelt upon. I would agree that their treatment here was over the top. Less Giant fight, more riddles, please.
Oddly, the ponies didn't bug me so much-- possibly because we see so little of them. But your commentary does give me the curious visual of Pinkie-Pie bolting from the Goblins, screaming at the top of her lungs. There's mash-up gold here, folks...
Thorin Oakenshield == Aragorn Light