Fooooood...

Let me talk about my SO for a little bit.

He's brilliant. Really, he is. Setting aside the degrees, the training, the clever things he taught himself and his appetite for reading; he's a genius. He has a strong, full, active vocabulary.

Long, long before I fell in love with him I admired him.

Ok, you're saying, but book smart doesn't mean that he has common sense.

Actually, he's wise, too. And domestic. He's our (cast) Iron Chef. He's a GOD of the kitchen realm. He's someone who understands the tao of cooking. He's a wonder to watch, particularly since his whole philosophy is to clean up as you go. He cooks a big meal and then there aren't dishes to do afterward, except for the serving dishes and personal eat-ware. He does laundry. He sorts clothes, checks lables and when in doubt he asks me questions.

It's impossible for me to play that girlfriend game with my acquaintances. You know the one where girls start grousing about the men in their lives? (Ok, only my "acquaintances" play this game; none of my FRIENDS do.) Here's an example:
Shirley: Oh, my GHOD. I can't believe he did this.
Marge: What is it, honey? Did he shrink your favorite skirt?
Gabby: Well, at least he does laundry. My husband can't tell the washer from the dryer!
Shirley: Why is it that they can wash the car every weekend, but can't manage to wash their own clothes without help?
Marge: OMG, Men are such BABIES!

Ok. I want to make it clear that I HATE this kind of crap. It drives me right up the wall, but particularly at work I end up having to add something or be thought of as a bitch, or a snob, or that weird chick. (Ok, I am ALWAYS the weird chick...) So, after years of screwing this up by suggesting that "Marge" ask her husband for what she wants, or state clearly what she prefers, I found that I had to come up with a "stupid SO" story.

Except that I don't HAVE any. Men always look stupid to CRAZY women, and more than half of the women in this country are CRAZY.

Here's the other way I screw up this twisted little game. Add to the above conversation:
ME: Yeah. My boyfriend hasn't done the laundry all week.
Shirley: Oh, yeah. And I bet the last load he did was a load of his own socks, right?
ME: Uh, no, actually. He did ALL the laundry last week since I was working both jobs.
Marge: He does laundry? You have to sort it for him, though, right?
ME: Nope, not at all. He sorts, washes, dries and folds the laundry.
Gabby: Yeah, my ex did laundry, too. But ask him to wash ONE dish...
GIRLS: (LOL)
ME: Actually, he does dishes, too. Especially when he cooks.
Girls: (Angry looks)


See, I figured it out eventually. This is some kind of creepy bonding ceremony that women do to one another. It's an US/THEM concept that I have never really bought into. Men aren't from Mars, women aren't from Venus. But we are cloistered away from one another and taught all the myths and fallacies about the "OTHERS" and in our relationships we act on this misinformation. It's everywhere, in popular culture too.

So, in order to seem like "one of the girls" I keep a few of my SO's foibles tucked away. I told him all about this and told him that I did not expect him to change these foibles, since he needed to have human flaws or no one would believe he existed. (Really. At one point I had a heart to heart with my mom about a heated discussion that my SO and I had, and she burst out laughing and told me that she was so RELIEVED that he turned out to be human. I didn't think it was funny, but she said that he was too good to be true, and was vaguely worried that there was NOTHING wrong with him... My mother is pretty weird, too.)

Here are the big two:

He does laundry. Sorts, folds, hangs up. However... he does seem to be perfectly content to live out of the baskets in the basement. He won't bring laundry upstairs unless I specifically ask him. (Which I only do when my back is bothering me.)

Grocery shopping. He's just not any good at this. I realize that it is a skill that has to be honed with practice, but I can't even give him a list and expect to get what I need.

See, today I went grocery shopping. I haven't been grocery shopping in weeks. Probably months, since I don't think I went shopping the whole time I worked at Spirit. We've been relying on my SO's ability to keep the pantry stocked.
I went to ALDI, and spent an obscene amount of money and turned my huge cart into a clown car. (No, really. The cashier couldn't get it all back into the cart when she was done.)
Why did I spend that kind of money?
Because our cupboards were BARE. We even lacked the components to MAKE food.

And if I had gone to any of the big name grocery stores, I would have spent about $300. I didn't spend anywhere NEAR that amount. And now we have food. Canned food, frozen food. The pantry, refrigerator, and freezer are FULL. We can now feed the 5+ people who eat here on a regular basis.

And I feel SO much better. I think I will go and clean the house some more...